Being bored

I’m sitting on the District Line listening to Beyond by Leon Bridges. 

My hot breath is tickling my eyes as it travels up and out my mask, I’m not at the point of the journey where I’ve forgotten I’m wearing one yet. 

It’s busier than usual and I just moved seats because I felt uncomfortable sitting directly alongside someone. 

I’ve been writing every day for the last week as part of a challenge to myself to do something I love everyday which is write. I’ve linked the posts at the bottom of this. 

I’m half worried the quality of my writing will decrease massively and half worried that I’ve created something else to do for myself for no reason. 

Other than that though, I’m just thinking. I also don’t know if this is writing or journaling, am I writing to share something I want to say or is the purpose a way for me to connect? I don’t know yet. 

I usually delete the pre-newsletter ramble but I feel like keeping it in these days. 

The main thing I want to write about today is Rowing, although I can’t remember if I’ve written about rowing before, possibly I have, I can’t remember.. Maybe I wrote about trying something new, or maybe that was on LinkedIn? I’m not sure and don’t want to bore anyone with a story I’ve already told

Freya Ridings is now on and I’m at Earls Court. 

I don’t know what to write about today, kind of twiddling my thumbs here. 

I notice sitting here staring at the keys on my MacBook air, that I feel a bit bored and uncomfortable. I’m lacking inspiration, lacking passion, lacking energy. 

I don’t have the urge to share something or say something. I don’t have the compulsion or the passion.

There are times when I write or when I create when I feel like I can’t control myself, when it just comes out, where it feels like I am not really in control. Like I am just the vessel for it and I can’t stop it. 

There are other times when I have to hold that in, when I know I have something to say or something to build but I can’t quite tell the story yet. That can hurt as I feel like I have to hold myself in. 

Yet as a writer or an entrepreneur I find that I can’t always rely on those bursts of inspiration, sometimes I have to wait and the skill is in the waiting and being uncomfortable. 

Boredom is an important concept for me. I mostly despise being bored and do anything to avoid it. 

I also find myself feeling quite guilty at feeling bored especially in a work capacity. I feel bad when everyone else seems really engaged in something and then I am just totally bored by it. I feel like I am othering myself or putting myself on a pedestal, I’m not. I’m just bored and not engaged in the topic.

I often find myself bored because I feel like I already have the answer to something or I’ve already done the thinking and thought something through and then I am waiting for others to catch up. 

I feel like a bit of a prick writing that but it’s true. I get frustrated when people don’t come to the conclusions that I got to a month or even a year ago. A hard lesson I’ve learned multiple times over is that my conclusions aren’t the only ones or the right ones and even if they are, it’s how you invite people in that makes all the difference. 

This is why I’m a terrible manager or CEO - I have no patience and am too centred on my desire to be right and not interested in enough in the art of bringing people along with you and leading them. I just get frustrated that people don’t “get it”. 

That’s not just in leadership but in life too, I’ll look and see where the world is going and stuff just feels obvious to me, like the whole mental health and environmental movement - now I just feel like I’m waiting for others to catch up. 

It’s kind of life living in the future, which is why I really struggle to be in the present moment as I am constantly thinking or listening to what's going on around me. 

That means that boredom is something I have to get used to and I find it quite a powerful concept. 

Being bored is a great sign that there’s a lack of energy or that there’s a lack of stimulation or perhaps I’m not in the right place. Or perhaps I am not letting others in and other perspectives be heard. 

I try less to avoid being bored now and just notice boredom. Or even just stay being bored for a bit longer to see what happens. 

If I’m bored sometimes I try and just sit and look out the window or go on a walk, or if it’s in  a meeting I just stay quiet and let others speak to see what happens and what might come up.

I didn’t expect to be writing about boredom, yet I imagine it’s a concept many of us are in touch with (or definitely have been more so recently), but maybe resist or avoid or feel bad about in some way. 

I’m making up stories of how people might respond to this one. Guessing that if you’re like me this will really resonate with you, if we’re different you might think I’m a bit of an arse. 

Now it’s Low Tide by DRAMA and I’m at Temple. 

Would love to hear from you. 

James x